Drunken Disappointment

It’s yet another night of drunken revelry spent with “friends” and I can’t bring myself to join. For I know the truth of the falsehoods that betray and stab at us in the darkness that is our lives. The truth of it all is there for all willing eyes to see but they don’t because it’s easier to live through the clouded eyes that are fathers or mothers gave us.
I would do it all for those moments in time when the truth was running away and we had the chance to catch it. Damn our visions of hope and grace they were foolish pipe dreams. This is life, reality, and servitude. All those things we swore we’d never be. The women that came and went were all that special one. If they weren’t then we always had each other. There was never any question of that.
Where are we now? Attempting to make it out there, in our piss poor excuses for happiness waiting for our big break in life. We all wanted to be somebody. We wanted that magic that everyone else found within the human heart. We didn’t care where we just wanted it to be someone else to hold onto. In the darkness with our bottles in hand we’d fight with our words that were eloquent pieces of…shit. We were giants or so we thought but they’ve torn us down in the final act of our hearts. So what happens now dear friend? They all told us the same damn thing. However, we never tired of hearing it because we were too stupid to realize the truth. We were just lying to ourselves and they were perpetuating the lie. They didn’t care. They just wanted their names plastered on the wine stained pages of life, death and something in between.
Here I am still betraying myself trying to be something I am not. I lie to myself every night. I tell myself that I have something to say when I know it’s all the same for me. Another soul that I am trying to heal to only end up with the same pain filled heart within my chest. Yet, I know no different. I am the hero trying to right everyone’s wrongs and heal their hurts knowing that I won’t succeed.
I spend my nights wondering when it will be over. I know the day will come when I’ll watch a pair of taillights fade into the darkness wishing all the best but knowing inside the truth. I am nothing but a trivial human wanting more than I will ever get out of life. Simply because I am the one who will suffer the consequences for that is my lot in life. I am made to suffer the hurts that those around me deny. I am the one with the broken heart that will never be healed. All I ever wanted was to be magic to one soul out of the million that populate this god-forsaken earth. A simple wish that we all chased in our youth but becomes all too real fantasy of hope and desperation that we must realize will never happen because there are no more magicians of word or ways left.
Our fathers have told us many times, “The real heroes are dead.” Yet we never believed them because we we’re the ones to change the world. With our two hands, we could do it all. We could make people live forever, or die tomorrow; we could make them beautiful or grotesque. For once, we had all the control we were painting the world and we played god…for a time.
Now that time is over and we slave at our dead end jobs with our memories and dreams long forgotten and behind us lost in the dust of time. Now they come in nightmares to haunt us for they have won. We’re not the giants that we claimed to be and they want to remind us that we are nothing but a disappointment to our parents and loved ones…I love you Mom and Dad. I’m Sorry.