things happen

I had this film around me; thick.
No one could get through.
And here you are- inside it, with me.
then I changed from her, to me.
It used to be this circle, where everything
was like deja vu, only worse,
because you can't quite put your finger on reality
ever
always back to where you started.
I smell things
I feel things
I taste things differently.
And even though the wind still scares me,
Like a storm on the roof of a car, pounding, relentless.
(even though)
Life is still like that
(even though)
And then there is this hunger.
Then kind you can't satisfy with food, or booze.
It is the kind of hunger that won't be pacified
without touch
And it used to be that my heart was smashed on the ground
like that broken record player I found in the factory
people kicking the plastic pieces to the corners, out of sight
-undefinable-
and back then, my hands were soft, before they learned
to get hard
and each time I attempt to rip a page out of that history book
my hand freezes, unable to start the tear
and then my heart opens
(like a summer house that hasn't breathed in years)
the dust settles
and the sun sets
and now you want me to conjure up something even more relentless
even more unforgiving.
You want me to conjure up love.
love is like the sunrise
and the sunset
and the fucking wind.