White Out

*

"If I knew then, what I know now."

They all say
they'd do it differently, only if.
Only if,
when we danced in the kitchen
and cried together
Only if,
we knew then, what we know now,
maybe we would have cried even more, knowing
what we didn't know.
And when we stood there on the edge of the flood
concrete floors, windows and sky
painted letters around us
FUCK the world
(if we only knew then)

So you spelled my name with sticks
and tried to brace the concrete walls with your heart
and you even told me where your heart was
(if we only knew then)
And I believed you,
but I didn't believe
in myself
and so
I lost.
(if I only knew then)

and sitting here eating guacamole chips, sour cream
and topping it all off with a
watermelon
spike
(through my heart)

(if I only knew)
Maybe I would have said
the words I couldn't say.
But now that I know?
I'm glad I saved them.