Un-balanced

Falling from a memory
(or maybe I was dropped)
but falling,
all the same

I tear through space,
no ship to protect me

pellets from unknown planets
trying to knock me out
or maybe knock sense in
to
me
but knocking all the same
and for the first time
in ages,
my teeth make it into my skin
gnawing frustration,
stressful damnation
nothing ideal
about the memory
that tossed me off
or maybe it was
aside
a
side
of me has been left there
with you

wondering if I really need me back
or if
or if maybe

or if maybe that little me should just stay with you
(in case what?)
In case
one of these meteors bumps me back up
to you

and this fall is effing scary

and the memories are ripping
being ripped
and my ear drums burst
(you have scar tissue on your ear drums, did you know that?)
(Yeah, I knew)
(that’s why little Ana always sat in front, so as to hear the teacher)

and now my ears have lost the war

and busted right open
like confetti on a driveway
after New Year’s night
streamers of voices, yelling
screaming,
calling names, calling me
names

midnight,
calling you with whispers,
hardly a memory,
(It can’t be called)
but a voice
from back then,
the one that told me to always make sense.

And here I am
not.