Strings
Submitted by berri on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 5:25pm.
Now
3 days
seems so long.
When you're gone
The time seems
to double.
Trouble
with
feel-
ing.
Jaded,
With you
entrenched
in my sub-
conscience.
I use hand
puppets
to
calm
me down.
the structure of this is
the structure of this is intriguing and appealing. and the hand puppets line at the end is rather powerful.
p.s. i believe i'd take out "now."
good job
good job on this one berri. the use of handpuppets...awesome. and your linelengths control the reader's interest.
did you
mean subconscious or really "sub-
conscience." as a play on words?
nice one.
I meant
Both... Sorta. You know when you make something in a poem an accident & then you found out it came out just right with the reflection after you posted it? Yeah, I noticed that after the first time I looked at it. & I think it reflects greatly what I wanted to express even more so.
Just one of those poems that originally came from nowhere on the top of my head, you know.