sharks eating my brain

Lying down in bed searching

for patterns, as cloudy morning light

streams through the window.



[wouldn't be so hung-over if i hadn't drank

so much. wouldn't have drank so much if i

din't know so&so, wouldn't know so& so if i

hadn't met so&so, wouldn't know that so&so

if i hadn't been...]



Always the \"what if's\".

What if I hadn't...

What if it hadn't been...

What if I had...



Looking for the paths taken on map.

The pondering casually eats me,

like a circle of sharks circling 'round

the pockets of my brain.



Patterns, explanations, theories,

trying to justify something.

This. Now.



But stop.



There isn't one truth,

there isn't one main cause,

only a culmination of a million factors,

a million forces encroaching upon my being.

This is all the result of circumstance,

impossible to break down under a magnifine glass.



So many turns, each with equal importance.

I only know that I am here,

lying in bed

while the cloudy morning light

in careful motions,

begins to fill the room.