after the work week

wrapped in a blur of tired eyes,
gaping smiles, and coffee grinds,
i don't even know when
i'm am/
or not smiling anymore.

and tonight, sitting with you
in the much too bright
japanese retaurant,
it all spun out of order
again, hearing myself
speak. stretch out
conversation
for the first time in
a while.

i just could tear myself
open to you.

but i wasn't even smiling,
and i just realized
how bent out of shape,
exhausted,
and cold

i have become.