I think too much

sleepless again, but why?
it would take years
of intense therapy
to figure out all the things
that are wrong with me
years of build up
and wear down
from dragging around
years of guilt
for being human-
why do people think
the Son is judging
when His verdict is
\"forgiven\"
but to love....

and people, still ridden
with complexes
and self loathing
for falling short of marks
that nobody could make
and the churning
of lost loves and regret
and memories
and those forgotten
and the things
that put the heart
in to our chests
and existence and reality
and perception and imagination

and dancing
and shouting
and screaming for love
for life and joy
and in pain
to care for it all so much
and I'm too short fused
and the fuse gets shorter
every single day
I think too much
about the value
I give to this life
and I am thankful