on your own

follow the flow of the transfer
you were always best
at the back of the line
and that didn't bother me
you didn't mind
being left behind
because you always knew
I would come back for you

that day at the airport
when I sent you home early
your alcohol riddled breath
beat against my face
with every angry word
you threw my way
a fragrant reminder
of dragging you up the stairs
and handing you wash cloths
after you threw up in the sink
because you could never
stop at just a few

I could not be the cure
for what ailed you
though, you stuck me to you
bound by heart and hope
as though, wearing me
would heal the wound faster
intoxication- caught up in you
as though it were me
who was poisoning my blood
well over the legal limits
I stuck around, waiting
for your HANGing to me
to be OVER

sobered up by your constant denial,
I finally chose to put you down
and sat shaking for awhile
withdrawing from my need
that only you could fix
with liquor laced kisses
and \"baby, I'll do betters\"
and after the third day alone
I started feeling better
as it seems, you did too

when I ripped myself off you
it only stung you for a moment
revealing the pain to make you
take a closer look
at the wounds you were inflicting
upon yourself...

with nobody to bail you out
nobody to drag your drunk ass up the stairs
nobody to hold you when you couldn't stand up
nobody to camoulage your pain with kisses
and nobody to string together, all your loose ends
you finally learned to rely on yourself

we talk now, and you are the same you in ways
only now you understand, finally
what I tried to convince you for all these years
you are responsible for your own actions
you are capable of great things
you are the same beautiful man I always saw
and now when you look at your reflection in the mirror
you have finally learned to love what you see

so don't ever tell me again
that prayers are wasted breath