self restraint

why do I run when you love me
the way I have always waited for
and you accept me, even now
when I am floundering

why am I so afraid of having you
knowing you won't leave
filling the spaces I cannot
fitting me perfectly

why do I get cagey when your love
does not even confine me
what the hell is wrong with me
when I know how much I love you

am I this unhealthy
that I cannot accept the love
I want and know I deserve
or just afraid it can't be real

since the past is patterened
with disappointments
that I once believed in
just like I believe in you

my legs are tired
and I need to rest
running is getting me nowhere
I want to relax in your arms

and smile in realizing
that I have run as far
as I needed to go
to reach my peace