the first groping

i am mutating into truth
shuddering
thinking of how to hide myself
in the world of my own workings

will i be able to pass off this
chaotic sickness
and its hard, cold realness
or will they catch on

finding me in the struggle
of yet another welfare love
that can't figure out
if it my feet or his, he should be picking up.

and i don't know
anymore than
the mind of the vacuum
that sucked up all the

good.