emotions

too often i let
my emotions
get the best
of me, which
is silly when
so many around
me cling to facts
and forget the
feelings involved

i'm different, tho,
while still the same.
that is, i have my faults,
but i also have a vision, a
dream to which i cling - perhaps
too tightly, but a dream nonetheless -
a big one to boot - go big or go home they
say but what if there is no home or feeling
of home left?

so unbelievably tired - not physically, but
emotionally and mentally - trying to do
what i do on a daily basis and not go
insane - listening to the way people
see me (which is hard to do) and
maybe i lie to myself more than
i lie to others. either way it's a
terrible thing.

emotions make me
who i am but i cannot
let them control me any-
more ...

the door to my heart swings closed
and the sign is flipped over as i try
to put the pieces of my heart back
together again - so much tape &
glue already that it hardly seems
a human heart at all anymore -
which maybe plays into my
alien fantasies - my feelings
of not belonging - anywhere
or with anyone - always
aloof and off in space
trying to find my place
by being overly nice
to a special few ...

i don't want a cold, broken heart in pieces
i'm tired of all these feelings all this worry
over shit i have no control over at all...

do i control my emotions or do my emotions control me?