words as a blur

i am either cursed
or blessed to repeat
the scene(s) over and
over again in my mind

afterwards it's the words
that get me through; sadly,
all i can comprehend after
the fact are shallow
expressions of mellow
laughter -
and no beat.
fear her -
with no heat.
pass her -
lower the seat.
or that's not what
you're quite looking
for at past four in
the morning, not
so far away from
a wedding mentioned
earlier in the night,
possibly. time
slides forward -
in moderation
it's ok, but it
can be over-
whelming,
wondering
if and why
and even
when and
then again
it starts and
is over in a
second -
dancing,
no thank
you, i just
smile and
try, feel the
aforementioned
emotions i.e.
feelings on
my stinky
sleeves
for all
to see -
soaking it
in, though, like
word lotion for the
soul instead of aloe
lotion for the skin -
thinking different
things about
different
things
and
the
words
seem so
senseless,
like they don't
and never will add
up, quite. not a
quitter perhaps
but a lurker,
a word
tinkerer and
that's a whole
life in and of
itself.