so tired

and it's not even
starting in earnest
yet ... and yet i
am drained, am
being drained,
trying to be
shamed, and
through it
all i can
smile and
laugh and
not fall
for the
phony fall
or trip down
memory lane,
wretching and
hacking along
the way. heart-
less? no, not at
this point. a survival
mechanism most likely,
a way to deal - to try
to see the good, the posit-
ive i've been contemplating,
the solution, the answer,
hard to apply and yet i
am so tired that i must
prepare to travel, to
journey there. maybe
i should rip and
yank quickly like
a band-aid, but i
still wonder if it,
the situation, can be
salvaged at all.

so tired i can't help
but to continue, with
forward momentum, gravity
and phsyics helping me.