When I say Love
Submitted by softserve on Tue, 06/17/2008 - 5:21pm.
What I mean most when I say Love,
is a spiritual link on a personal level,
to One who set all I know in motion,
which circuits out through these humble palms--
when I grasp you in the air, and your
`````````tiny pupils focus down,
and giggles shake at your belly,
ringing crisp through your teeth--
to you, and your fresh perspective.
All other loves
`````````shall be buried, with found
`````````rocks as tombstones,
in life's backyard.
If I knew the "One"
If I knew the "One" existed...
all else would fall into place.
Right?
wrong. One exists whether
wrong. One exists whether or not you or i or he or she knows it/ believes it.
:P
If you say so. :)
I'd love to see a stanza
I'd love to see a stanza break after line four.
I assume "`````````" indicates your effort to format this poem on a site that doesn't allow spaces at the beginning of the lines? If so, I sympathize!
As for the rest, it looks like you've very neatly combined a statement about God with a statement about how you connect with your own child. Overall, very nice.
stanza break after line 4
stanza break after line 4 sounds good, but i think i really just need to restructure this MUH; the fact of the last stanza being separate bugs the crap out of me....so i don't know. perhaps there'll be a revision of this in the near future. and you're right about the little "`````'s."
thanks for the comments no exit and ana.