Haikus
Submitted by softserve on Fri, 06/20/2008 - 1:02pm.
(or whatever you wanna call them; please don't inform me of syllabic requirements)
Each blade of
lawn, in the coming
sun--trembles
----------------------
Father--why this
blue opaque
sky floor?
----------------------
Reachless--a bouncing
branch 'neath
squirrel's toe.
----------------------
I'll leave the syllabics alone...
...but if you were shooting for haiku, you'd have to cut the enjambment. While one line will usually break into two, the break will be a mostly natural pause in the grammatical structure of the line. The remaining line, of course, will stand alone. But all haiku propriety aside, what you do have is three very nice short poems. The second one is particularly striking.
so--
it would be more like this?
Father--
why this blue opaque
sky floor?
----------------------------
Each blade of lawn,
in the coming sun
--trembles.
....or am i still not getting it? thanks for your help, by the way.