Lame

My expectations for heaven
collapse like a building imploding
every tear you shed.
My innocence is Buried
in the city of lies.

I watch your naked back vibrate
from my side of the bed.
I feel old.
Older than I am.
I feel my bones
Aging,
restless to be put to sleep.

I remember the silence
of clear Idaho,
making Love in the desert,
waking up in back-seat Dawn,
our bodies folded in half
around each other.

Golden Wyoming with the wind
through our hair;
voyaging through Cheyenne,
the night lit up
like a diamond necklace.

I hate to see you cry.
It hurts my heart.
But I can't look away.
I want you to always smile--
buzz around like a bee--
I want your eyes to always dance.

Oh, heaven
falls slowly
like smolders
after the bang.
I know it sounds trite but I love you.

I feel old,
like the drink that slurs
the words of History.

Like the men
who made slaves
of other men.

Like the men
who made tools
of women.

Like the men
who threw the people in camps.

I watch you cry
while you think I'm sleeping;
I am awake
and Lame
as
an
idiot.

I love you
Words Shame
I'm sorry
Words is
Please forgive me
Words Guilt
Words!
set on fire.
What are words? Shame
Words? is Guilt
What are words? set on fire.

Here I am
a man
approaching you
like a lamb

Help me please.
Please.
Please forgive me