Rocky Ideas
Submitted by wolfejack on Tue, 11/13/2007 - 8:34pm.
Ideas- mountains upon mountains
of crowded crammed concepts
occupy the quarry in my cranium.
Contemplation, the name of this craft.
Hours of thought wear the
rock away, like a gentle hammer.
Rough shapeless boulders, end
as skillfully shaped sculptures.
Endless is the labor with
a skull full of stones.
Feedback
I liked the last line quite a bit.
To be brutally honest, a couple of things didn't work for me. For example, the line "mountains upon mountains." It's such a sparse poem, and poetry is normally made up of economized word usage, so the line seemed redundant.
Also, I understood the message of mining, but the line about "...end as skillfully shaped sculptures" just really sat wrong with me. The voice of the poem seems to be saying that their words are gold.
Of course we all try for gold, but sometimes end up with silver or other semi-precious stone. I dunno, I guess the ego of "skillfully shaped sculptures" was a bit jarring for me, as a reader.
Needless to say, these are just my opinions. I hope that other people will chime in with their feedback so that you can get a well-rounded response to your work.
Welcome to the site and please continue to share.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to chime in!
--- Mike
pretty neat little piece. i
pretty neat little piece. i agree w/ mroar about the redundancy of "mountains upon mountains," and also the words "crowded and crammed"--that part really stuck out to me as being redundant, and not in a good way. but i did like the gentle hammer. keep it up, and welcome to the site.